


John Watson Is NOT Drunk

by kyaticlikestea



Series: John Watson's Blog [14]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, John Watson's Blog, John's blog, M/M, blog fic, blogosphere, drunk!John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-28
Updated: 2012-07-28
Packaged: 2017-11-10 22:37:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/471469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaticlikestea/pseuds/kyaticlikestea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'i shoudnt be bloging hahahhah<br/>im realy not drunkk thoughue i mean yes it iss mycroft sstag arpty bt i have noyl had ten glaseses o fdry wite whine<br/>sherlok saidd somethingg so funy he said it wass a hen partay not a sta gparty becus my croft is a GRIL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAaa<br/>ooh wine'</p><p>Or, in which Mycroft and Lestrade are getting married in the morning. John attends their stag party (or should that be hen party?) and gets a little tipsy, but definitely not drunk, off his face or completely slaughtered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Watson Is NOT Drunk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyLilyMalfoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLilyMalfoy/gifts).



**8 th August, 2015**

**HEN PARTY**

 

i shoudnt be bloging hahahhah

im realy not drunkk thoughue i mean yes it iss mycroft sstag arpty bt i have noyl had ten glaseses o fdry wite whine

sherlok saidd somethingg so funy he said it wass a hen partay not a sta gparty becus my croft is a GRIL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAaa

ooh wine

 

**58 comments**

 

does this mean that the wedding is tomorrow? i thought that the invitations said 12th September xx

**Molly Hooper, August 8 th, 20:03**

 

Yeah, the invitation I got said September, too. Is this basically just a pre-wedding piss-up masquerading as a stag do?

**Sally Donovan, August 8 th, 20:07**

 

nono shrelock did the invivntatons and he probly thoght it woud be funy t oput the wrnog dat wat an idot!!!!! i wiol tel him offff os much

**John Watson, August 8 th, 20:11**

 

If anyone out there is reading this, send help. I repeat, send help. We require tea, biscuits and wet towels.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 20:29**

 

Blimey mate, what the hell lol. Where did you go, the nearest speak-easy??

**Bill Murray, August 8 th, 20:34**

 

We have not actually left my home yet. I must admit that overall this is a rather unimpressive turn of events.

**Mycroft Holmes, August 8 th, 20:36**

 

your stil at bukingham palace????? WOW HEELLO QWUEN

**Harry Watson, August 8 th, 20:41**

Contrary to popular belief, Mycroft is not actually the Queen. The use of the indefinite article is necessary for accuracy in this case.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 20:42**

 

Two drunk Watsons? This must be Christmas.

**Anonymous, August 8 th, 20:43**

 

I can assure you that it’s more like Armageddon.

**Mycroft Holmes, August 8 th, 20:46**

 

Are you there, boss? It’s your stag do too, I presume. How did you manage to get John so drunk? I need to write this down for future interrogations.

**Sally Donovan, August 8 th, 20:51**

 

I’m here, yes, but I’m contemplating going elsewhere, possibly an early grave

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 20:53**

 

That bad?

**Anderson, August 8 th, 20:55**

 

That was Sally. Damn computer. I’m not at Anderson’s, obviously.

**Anderson, August 8 th, 20:56**

 

I’M at Andersons. i’m Anderson

**Sally Donovan, August 8 th, 20:57**

 

Bloody hell, Anderson.

**Anderson, August 8 th, 20:58**

 

I don’t think any of us really knows how he managed to become as pissed as a fart, to be honest! He’s wasted though

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 21:01**

 

Hello dears, I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but have you asked Sherlock? Where there’s mischief around, he normally knows where it’s come from, and not always because he’s such a good detective. This is Mrs Hudson by the way, hello everyone! Thank you for the fruitcake, Mr Holmes. I’d rather your pet rabbit hadn’t eaten my curtains in the first place but I still appreciated it. This is still Mrs Hudson.

**Marie Turner, August 8 th, 21:04**

 

OGH YM GOD TEH ROOM IS SPINNINING!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAA

**John Watson, August 8 th, 21:07**

 

I’m hurt, Mrs Hudson. Hurt and betrayed. Why would you even suggest such a thing? I had nothing to do with this appalling debacle. I can assure you that if I had I would have had the foresight to bring along a video camera. By the way, it wasn’t Mycroft who sent you the fruitcake. It was Anthea. It hardly took a great deductive leap to solve that one; the cake hadn’t been half devoured, and thus Mycroft clearly hadn’t been near it. Enjoy your last slice.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 21:10**

 

Your biting wit is scintillating to behold as always, dear brother. Now, perhaps you could come upstairs and remove your boyfriend from my ankle?

**Mycroft Holmes, August 8 th, 21:12**

 

I could, but isn’t that what Lestrade is for?

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 21:13**

 

John is currently naked. I did not feel that Gregory needed to bear witness to such a fact.

**Mycroft Holmes, August 8 th, 21:14**

 

I shall be there in a few moments. Do try and refrain from filing official documentation ordering his immediate evacuation from the premises, won’t you?

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 21:15**

 

Watching you two fight is like watching a dictionary beat up a thesaurus

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 21:17**

 

And why is John naked??!!

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 21:20**

 

Honestly, I go downstairs for ten minutes to get a glass of water and all holy hell breaks loose upstairs

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 21:22**

 

im braking freee frmo thea capitalaist reegme of cloting

**John Watson, August 8 th, 21:25**

 

Someone confiscate his phone, please! It’s painful to read.

**Sally Donovan, August 8 th, 21:27**

 

And yet you keep reading.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 21:31**

 

Eastenders was cancelled tonight, freak. Some of us like to be entertained and staring at a wall in an attempt to deduce the exact shade of Coral Canyon paint that was used just doesn’t cut it for us normal folk.

**Sally Donovan, August 8 th, 21:34**

 

Ah, I see.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 21:36**

 

See what, freak?

**Sally Donovan, August 8 th, 21:37**

 

Mrs Anderson has discovered your rather disturbing dalliance with the lovely Mr Anderson and has subsequently kicked her husband out onto the cold streets of London. You have agreed to allow your poultry-faced lover to move in with you for a short time. However, you are currently renovating your home, a fact which caused Anderson to believe that his residence would be permanent. Subsequently, he purchased several tins of paint of his choosing; Coral Canyon #5. Good luck, Sally. You’ll need luck as well as a good supply of toilet bleach; Anderson is lactose intolerant yet inordinately fond of chocolate milk.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 21:40**

 

Bite me.

**Sally Donovan, August 8 th, 21:41**

 

That’s what Anderson is for.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 21:42**

 

Girls, girls, play nicely and come and help me sober John up

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 21:45**

 

He’s being sick in Mycroft’s desk

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 21:47**

 

I think he’s just vomited all over a nuclear attack request though so perhaps we have John’s weak stomach to thank for world peace

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 21:50**

 

Sir, don’t worry; that documentation has been scanned and copied and sent to all appropriate parties. I should mention that it was scanned before John’s unfortunate display of technicolour yawning and thus we should avoid future conflicts with the nations involved.

**Anthea?, August 8 th, 21:52**

 

Also, Ms Donovan, allow me to send you a box of chocolate soya milk, or at least a large quantity of extra strong bleach.

**Anthea?, August 8 th, 21:55**

 

I don’t like how this is my stag party

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:12**

 

Or my life

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:15**

 

hahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahaa sheloc is tkaing me hoem loks like i got lukcy!!!!!1

**John Watson, August 8 th, 22:21**

 

Gregory, as our big day is tomorrow, I must insist you get some rest.

**Mycroft Holmes, August 8 th, 22:25**

 

But sick won’t clean itself up

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:30**

 

Imagine if it did

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:31**

 

Anthea would be out of a job

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:33**

 

I assure you I would not, Detective Inspector.

**Anthea?, August 8 th, 22:34**

 

Gregory, must I be forced to break with tradition and coerce you into sleeping?

**Mycroft Holmes, August 8 th, 22:39**

 

Noooo, not at all. That would be breaking with a very important tradition and I know how much you like tradition

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:41**

 

I should probably mention though that I’m actually in your bed right now, devoid of all clothing bar my bow tie

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:43**

 

Although I should probably take that off; don’t want it to get dirty before the big day

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:45**

 

Allow me to assist.

**Mycroft Holmes, August 8 th, 22:46**

 

Thankfully, I have managed to pick-pocket a drunken John. I am therefore closing comments on this blog for the sake of both my sanity and the good of the British public. I shall look forward to seeing those of you who are invited tomorrow at my brother’s nuptials.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 22:51**

 

donnt closee te coments nooooooooo ok y oar lokin at mee in a scarey wy you can cooelse them

**John Watson, August 8 th, 22:52**

 

Yes pelaese close them ooh mycrofttt

**Lestrade, August 8 th, 22:54**

 

I hope neither of you is planning on wearing white tomorrow.

**Sherlock Holmes, August 8 th, 22:55**

**Comments are no longer permitted on this post.**


End file.
